Split in Half

I've been really torn lately, find myself still loving the very person who threw me away like yesterdays garbage. We got engaged and I so happened to get pregnant so we got married right away. We are two different people but its what I loved about him.

I find my self sifting thru memories of our life together and I remember more days of total happiness then anything else. He's moved on with his life while trying to tare me down in the process by trying to take my pride and joy Hannah away from me. But yet I don't hate him, I can't find it in me to hate this man. He angers me and often I'm left wondering why he despises me so......Marriage is important to me and I believe in the vowels I took but I can't make someone love me. Sometimes I wish he still did so I least I know he has a heart. It's been over a year apart and I feel no less for him, how is this possible? Will I one day stop? Will I be able to love someone else that way? So many unanswered questions keep me still. I need answers but I know I won't get them.

I find men these days have no respect for who I am as a person. They come to me with expectations that I won't full fill and can't full fill. They look at my picture and expect someone totally different. We are so consumed with looks that personality and character doesn't matter untill after we find ourselves in a dead end relationship with that person. Well we learn from our mistakes and unfortunately we repeat them anyways. Muah!

On My Own

It's been 5 months since my separation and I didn't think I would ever get through the pain of the past, but I have. I've learned to let go and sometimes things happen for a reason maybe not what we want them to be. We went thru a custody battle and it was ugly and caused me alot of hurt mentally and physically. Now things seem to be ok but I won't take it as it is. I've been on my own trying to make it. Tryig to find a job and now I finally have one after 5 months of searching, I lost my car but thats not gonna get me down. I can say that I am blessed with friends that are so loving and caring. Cause if not for them I just don't know what my mental state would be today. I love them Con Todo Mi Corazon!! I enrolled in school but not sure if I can start at the end of the month as planned. My major is Psycology, who would have thought. I've learned I need to better my life for me and my girls but for me the most. Depend on me and live for me cause people can choose to come and go out ur life but you will always be in it so do with it the most you can. I've learned forgiveness long ago when my grandmother past away in 2005 and I found myself not being able to cause the pain was too great. When I finally let go of the pain and forgave, I found my self. I a woman who loves hard and thats how I will love my self.

Today I start a new job working the graveyard shift, ewww! Do what I have to do to survive in this unforgiving world. I hope to one day live my dreams but for now I'll take the steps to reach them. Muah Muah Muah.......................From Mi Corazon